today...

We had an ultrasound this morning, to ensure that the miscarriage had completed itself. The NP I saw two weeks ago was concerned because a previous ultrasound showed some residual tissue/blood. I'm glad to report that the ultrasound was clear today. Praise God! We were praying that no procedures would have to be done and our prayers were answered. There are no other issues to contend with at this point and we have been given the "go-ahead" {with instruction to consider our emotional well-being} for trying to conceive again. Please pray with us, as we continue to pray and dream, about planning our family. There is so much more involved as we move forward...trying to catch the next pregnancy really early, starting medications, referrals to specialists and wholly trusting that God's will is perfect for our lives in spite of any trials we may face. In many ways, miscarrying has been difficult because I had always dreamed of having a handful of children without the painstaking "planning" required of couples who have problematic pregnancies. Those of you who know me know that I want 5 kids...at this point, I pray that we're able to hold 1.

Today also marks the due date of our first child. It's unreal to me that our lives could be so vastly different than they are, if that first pregnancy had continued. Instead of In-n-Out and test studying today, I may have been hospital bound and hopeful for an on-time delivery. Wow. It's just totally incomprehensible to me.

I had a mini-meltdown last night. It just hit me that instead of bringing home a child today, I'd be confirming the complete loss of our second. Matt was awesome to allow me to grieve as much as I wanted, but quickly spoke truth in the moments I was weakest. He's amazing. I am thankful that God provided a husband who knows and loves Him, who can speak truth when I'm tempted to despair and who loves me through it all.

Our life has been changed even though we are not meeting our first child today nor planning the arrival of our second. By God's grace we are growing to know and love Him more, and we are blessed beyond measure through that.